The answers I’d really like to give….

I get asked a lot of questions. What’s wrong? Why are you tired? What’s up? What are your plans? What are you doing? Why are you in such a bad mood?

Or the closed question. You’re doing OK now right? That’s OK isn’t it? You don’t mind do you? 

Or the question where the answer is already given. You don’t mind if I….? I’m going to do this, that OK? 

The advice questions. Why don’t you? Have you tried? How can you do that? Why do you do that? Wouldn’t it be better if you did it this way? Why is that a problem for you? You need to/You should try…..

And here are my honest answers. What I want to say but don’t. Until now.

I am dealing with a lot of shit. I’m tired because either I don’t sleep or when I do I have nightmares. I’ll say it again. I’m dealing with a lot of shit. My plan is to get through today and survive. I’ve no fucking idea what I’m doing tomorrow, let alone in a month’s time. I’m trying to survive the best way I can. And yet again…I’m dealing with a lot of shit. Seriously, how hard is that to comprehend?

Yes I do mind and it’s most  definitely not OK.

Unless I ask you, or you have experience of what I’m going through, keep your advice to yourself. I don’t need to hear how you manage (or don’t as the case may be). I’ve been bullied enough by fuckwits. I’m not listening anymore.

Apologies for the rant. Not so sorry about the swearing-I find it hugely therapeutic. And let’s face it, I need a lot of that in my life right now.