Easter weekend was a big one. We went away as a family overnight. I was anxious beforehand as to how I’d manage.
But it went really well. Yes I had some sort of weird virus which added to my exhaustion at the end of each day, yes my son is currently snoring due to blocked sinuses and sleep was interesting for everyone else, but overall it was fab. I did spend the day after almost comatose from exhaustion but when is anything in life truly perfect, it isn’t is it? The trick is looking for the rainbow amongst the grey clouds.
My wins were small but significant because for two consecutive days I felt like I was doing ok.
I managed to spend most of the time focussing on the moment and nothing else. Huge achievement.
Especially when we passed a couple arguing vociferously. I noticed it, but could walk past quickly and carry on. Previously that would have set me on edge. Believe me, I can detect anger and tension with impressive speed.
My radar will always be incredibly sensitive to the surroundings but I’m learning to accept that and use it to my advantage. Not that it doesn’t cause me problems, because it does and it will. But how I manage those situations can change. And it has its advantages too.
Of course there were little moments when my head told me I was getting close to burn out. But I managed them. I took positive steps to control it. I felt in control. You’ve no idea how long that sense has been missing.
I’m not naive enough to believe everything’s ok, but it’s wonderful to have enjoyed moments with my children.