Last week wasn’t a great one for me. Things conspired to form a uniquely ‘Iona’ related perfect storm. If you read the blog you may well have picked up on that.
I’m developing several strategies to help me overcome setbacks. Of course the irony is that they’re much more effective when you’re hovering over the pit as opposed to already deeply immersed in it.
I’m still trying to figure out how I descend so quickly sometimes. There are definitely triggers. That word really does mean something. It means my body and mind react to dangerous experiences from the past, only it’s the present and it’s confusing because it doesn’t make much sense. It takes a lot of courage and bloody mindedness to convince my mind that everything is in fact OK.
That’s what happened last week. This week, I got help. Things make more sense. I feel more in control. I suppose this is my new reality. Veering up and down as I navigate the ride. It’s a long journey from denial to understanding and goodness only knows when I’ll get to being able to live mentally healthily. I won’t lie, I frequently doubt I’ll reach that point.
One lesson, amongst many, that is staying with me right now is how to be honest. Honest with myself and as honest as I wish with others, without spiralling back into the pit of demons and misery. As is everything in life, it’s all about finding that delicate balance which works for and not against me. I’ve yet to work that one out. The Rollercoaster continues for now.